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Introduction to Flourish and Guest Jessica Samuels

Join us as we explore the journeys that have shaped successful professionals and uncover the insights that can help you thrive on your career path. Thanks for joining us.

Sarah Richardson (2): Welcome to Flourish, the podcast where we explore stories of growth, resilience, and personal transformation. I'm Sarah Richardson, and today we are joined by a truly inspiring guest, Michelle Moffitt. Michelle's an executive coach, speaker, and author who has recently published her powerful new book, cracked Open a Journey to Becoming a resilient and independent Woman.

Michelle, welcome to the show. Hey, thanks for having me. Great to be here. I'm so happy you're here because Cracked Open has really opened up such a panacea of conversations that maybe you weren't expecting. So let's start at the beginning. Sure. And have you share a bit about your personal journey and what led you to write Cracked Open.

I. Sure,

Michelle Moffitt: sure. I'll get the bits and pieces out there. So, was raised in a very progressive home. Dad was a big feminist. And had a couple of traumas happen to me during the college years, which led my body and my brain to look for safety. And safety meant I had all the answers on how to live that somebody would tell me what I needed to do to keep myself safe.

And it was quite a journey trying to get out of a system of high control.

Sarah Richardson (2): And the theme of resilience runs throughout your book. How do you personally define resilience?

Michelle Moffitt: Great question. I think resilience is really this place of falling down and getting back up and falling down and getting back up, getting outta bed every day knowing that, you know that you have within you what you need to survive. And not just to survive, but to flourish, right in those spaces.

Sarah Richardson (2): It's hard though for people to keep falling down and keep getting back up. You've gotta have the right support mechanisms around you. And so when a person listening hears, I gotta fall down, I gotta get up.

Michelle Moffitt: Yeah, to be honest, and that space is really hard.

It is really hard and I think a lot of women, struggle in that space. I think the small steps of knowing what your baseline is of going, okay, here I am today, am I making 2% difference? Am I moving that meter 2% every day? But it also entails getting a great support system, having people around you that believe you, that will walk with you, that will help you, that will cheer you on.

We are not meant to do this life alone,

Sarah Richardson (2): share with us the most challenging part of writing something that is so personal and so transformative.

Michelle Moffitt: At the beginning writing memoir, you are reliving the story again. And so heading back into that space, your whole body feels what's going on. Your emotions are raw.

Or is it something I can look at and go, okay, that happened and now what?

Sarah Richardson (2): In the book, you also talk about the importance of embracing vulnerability. Why do you believe that vulnerability is such an essential aspect of personal growth?

Michelle Moffitt: Well, we need to be honest with ourselves, right? I think we, a lot of times we put on these plastic faces, which I did in the system I was a part of.

I was told to show up perfectly and make sure my children were perfect. And not being really honest with who I was, where I was. think I had no idea with really what my gift sets were where I needed growth. And so it's just part of being human. We are human beings, not human doings.

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Michelle Moffitt: Yeah, I say independence is twofold. It's what you do inwardly and what you do outwardly. The outward part is to be able to have those places that you can be independent, having your own bank account, having a budget and money that you can spend freely for yourself. Having things that you enjoy doing for yourself instead of doing all the time for others.

The independent part inside is really understanding who you are and understanding what your gift set is and being able to bring that to the world is a huge part of moving forward. We need you to show up for who you are. We don't need you to show up for how somebody else is.

Sarah Richardson (2): I'd love for you to share a specific moment from the book where you felt the most cracked open and how you moved forward from that point.

These are people I've been friends with for over 10 years, and what is going on here? I had shared really vulnerable things of my own life, of my own marriage with them. And they, they were not telling me, were gonna give you help. They were doing the exact opposite. And so that was a really, a huge piece of cracking me open of going, okay, this belief system I've sat in is wrong and I need to change my mind about what's going on here. And I think the other part that was really a huge hard part, cracking under pressure was having to make this decision by myself. Nobody else was gonna make a decision for me if I was gonna leave the system.

Nobody else was making the decision for me if I was gonna get a divorce. Those decisions were mine alone to make, and that was really difficult.

Sarah Richardson (2): and let's add to the fact that you had five children in the next as well. It wasn't like it was, Hey, what's Michelle gonna do when she gonna make the break?

And you have done a ton now with coaching. And so when you hear stories from people that are trapped in scenarios, how have your personal experience shaped your approach to guiding others who need to get out of where they are?

Michelle Moffitt: Yeah I get to do what I love. I get to help other people move forward in life and create a better future for themselves.

I felt like I was stuck for 25 years and didn't realize that this was not helpful. It's the Mary Oliver, what are you gonna do with your one wild and precious life, right? And recognizing that there's limits on who we are and how our days go by. And so my personal story really informs.

Sarah Richardson (2): Well, what are some of those common challenges that you see leaders facing today when it comes to resilience and authenticity?

Michelle Moffitt: the first one is they're human doings instead of human beings and forgetting that they are human beings first, that they bring their whole selves to work. I think one of the hard parts in that place is really what does authenticity mean? So when I think of authenticity, the first thing that comes to my mind is I have to tell you everything about myself.

But it doesn't mean I'm lying if I'm not telling all of this stuff So I think leaders really struggle in that space of knowing how much to share, knowing how much not to share to make them authentic, to help their are people know that they have struggles too.

And we know ROI changes. There's all the data out there. When we show up in as whole people at work, when we recognize the mental, emotional, social, intelligent people that we are.

Sarah Richardson (2): What are some of the best ways that a leader can bring that culture into the workplace? Having teams understand vulnerability, resilience, authenticity within the constructs of appropriate either emotional intelligence or the ability to read rooms and read groups most appropriately.

If they don't perform, being able to step into spaces that offer, ERGs for people to be able to learn more about being holistic people. I, when we're working 60 plus hours a week, it's really difficult to step back and go, what emotion am I feeling right now? We're just in this grind, and so being able to foster spaces where that's appropriate and helpful is huge.

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And not just like the casual, passing by, but really getting a sense for the energy that you can feel from people or how they're showing up in a different space. I had somebody ask me that recently and we were a meeting and I said. I'm good. I'm like, time zone deficiency. This is three hour gap.

I'm like, I don't really know what time it is. So I seem a little out of it. It's probably because I am

Michelle Moffitt: even to that point Sarah, it's like, how are you? And being able to have the pause and go, what is this person actually asking me? Being able to say, oh, I can be honest with this person, or I can give them this much.

Or this is, they're just saying that in a friendly manner and I just need to say I'm fine. Right? But being able to pause and go, actually, how am I ?

Sarah Richardson (2): Asking that reciprocal question to yourself and you go, gosh, am I, did I get enough sleep? How am I handling different spaces? Because someone else is recognizing it.

Michelle Moffitt: One of the very first things I have my clients do is get out an emotion wheel to recognize that they are emotional beings. And so they'll start pausing during the day. You can set a reminder on your phone to move into a space of like, actually, how am I feeling? What's the word that goes with that?

And do I wanna do anything

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Does that go anywhere or is it just information for me to recognize, I'm a whole person. I think when you're in a situation that has been really toxic and you're coming out recognizing that is gonna be really hard going, it's okay. That a lot of kindness to yourself in that space of saying, I will get through this, but when you start changing your mind about toxic systems or workplace or feeling stuck or any of these things it creates this dissonance within your body. It's very uncomfortable. And being able to sit in that and say, no, this is the right way that I wanna go.

And so being able to go, okay, I gotta change this whole belief system, which actually is really uncomfortable. And you will be wobbly for a while. And so there's kindness in that space.

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Sarah Richardson (2): I love that you talk about the wobbly space or what I would call the pervasive sense of ickiness. There's a level of dissonance or discomfort you'll feel, and usually it's in that core of your body and it's like, gosh, sometimes that's a good ickiness.

Like, oh, I'm trying a new thing on for work and it's hard, but I'm grateful that I'm stretching. And there's moments of like. What am I doing? Like why am I doing these things? If X, Y, Z isn't occurring? It's intended, and I'm grateful that you mentioned that, like sort of just that feeling that, you know,

Michelle Moffitt: yeah,

And so,

Michelle Moffitt: mm-hmm.

Sarah Richardson (2): what role does mindset play in building resilience and how can people like nurture that in their life every day?

Michelle Moffitt: the most recent example is I, I struggle with anxiety like outta control. The monkey mind, my sonar in my brain is going off, what can I stress about now?

Oh, there's one blip. Okay, there's another. And so it affects my sleep. And so I finally gotten a sleep coach and really setting my mindset at night of going, what am I worried about? I verbalize to my husband, like, what am I worried about? And how do I solve that right now? And honestly it's helped me sleep.

Still in that like, not thriving place, I set my reminders on my phone and every hour I had some sort of motivational quote or something I would tell myself to come up about myself. Like that I'm strong and capable that I can do this, that one step at a time. And so every hour, those little reminders were setting my mind towards something different.

Sarah Richardson (2): Pretty amazing when I'm on a lot of airplanes, a lot of airports, a lot of public transportation, when you. Recognize somebody sitting next to you or that needs help with their bag, or has a kid with a stroller in the, just all these different pieces and you offer to help. It's pretty amazing just how the energy changes around you and them, because most people just need a smile or kindness in a given moment.

And if you're in a place and that day where you have it to freely give, or you're struggling and you know that helping someone else will make you feel better, it's pretty incredible the impact that it has. Even around you.

Sarah Richardson (2): You said monkey mind, and is that a Michelle term or is that something you have found for your research? And I ask because I always say Carnival Brain and they probably are very similar, but is monkey mind just something that you call it?

Michelle Moffitt: that's a statement that comes out of the Enneagram training.

Okay. And so it's, I'm just, it's like whack-a-mole, like there's so many things going on. So the carnival, I like that.

Sarah Richardson (2): Yeah. I love it. I actually brought that from one of my other friends. She says it, she's like, yep. Carnival Brain time and all you know is just for Panta instead of watch the action and figure out it's the

squirrel,

Michelle Moffitt: squirrel, squirrel,

Sarah Richardson (2): Squirrel.

It's the squirrel moments. So then how do you stay grounded in your own life? Especially when you face new challenges, you've overcome a lot, but when you have, when monkey mind is in full force, like how are you recentering?

And so I'm not gonna be mean to myself when that kicks in because it's just part of who I am specifically, but also going, okay, I need to work through this and ground myself. And so breathing is a huge tool to use. I do a lot of box breathing. And finding balance in my life. The monkey mind.

I have very specific ways that I try to organize my time because I know that I'll just squirrel the day away.

Sarah Richardson (2): it is very easy to just move from thing to thing all the time because we're constantly surrounded by reminders and alerts and just demands. Yeah. For ourselves and our time. When a reader finishes cracked open, what do you want their biggest takeaway to be?

Michelle Moffitt: That they're never stuck, that they can change their mind.

Sarah Richardson (2): How has sharing your story impacted not just you personally and professionally since the book release, but areas or avenues of outreach that maybe you weren't expecting that have really found a place to resonate with your story?

been able to say, this is my story. I am coming out with, what was abuse and places that I, I'm not embarrassed that I was in those spaces, but I'm like how in the world did I end up there? you know, but, But that was a huge piece of being able to say, that is my story and I've learned these things out of it, and now I can move on.

I'm surprised by some of the places that it's landed because my story has a part about religion in it and but it also heads into these places of male dominance, patriarchy that are, uh. everywhere. And so I've been surprised that it's landed in family law. It's landed in courts, it's landed in wealth management.

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Sarah Richardson (2): and what's next for you? What do you wanna have happen personally, professionally, as both a coach, an author, a wife, a mother, a friend? You've got so many different hats you wear and what do you wanna do next?

Michelle Moffitt: I really love my life right now. I think if I can continue this for a long time, that would be really great.

I love meeting with women specifically working out of places that they're stuck, working towards what's next. I've got a therapy practice that I do that as well. I have an amazing partner. We love to travel. We love going to sports games. I've got really amazing kids that are, have really made a great transition through all of this.

They have the same story. They see it differently sometimes, but That's awesome. Taking this on the road a lot, doing workshops, teaching upfront, speaking around what does this actually mean? It's very. Relevant to our world right now. I would say I was part of a triple patriarchy.

Sarah Richardson (2): A blueprint to a degree for anybody who may feel like they are stuck in a space or need to really evaluate and understand the options available to them so they don't feel quite as powerless and being able to reach out to you and to others to say, Hey, my first maybe step is that I'm recognizing that I want something different for myself.

And you're to a degree giving them permission to be able to do that. And it's funny how we may not give ourselves permission all the time to do the things we know are right for us, but when someone else. Illustrating the ability that it can be done creates a little bit of bravery in those next and first steps for many people.

Michelle Moffitt: Yeah. And Sarah, I think in that place of giving yourself permission, what is keeping you back from giving yourself permission? Is it that you don't believe you're worth it? Is there a shame message going on there? I speak to that so much and I feel like people just don't value themselves enough, right.

To think that they can do something different.

Are you ready for speed round? Let's go. All right. If you could have dinner with any inspirational figure, who would it be? Ooh, Michelle Obama. What's the first question for Michelle Obama?

Michelle Moffitt: I loved her books. I love her honesty.

I love all the things that she comes. I just wanna be her friend. I just wanna hang out and chat. Well, yeah, like, and I think also how do you find the strength and resilience to walk through what you've been through and the hecklers and the haters and Right. She's just got such a fabulous sense of self.

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Sarah Richardson (2): What's your favorite way to unwind after a long day

Sarah Richardson (2): So even in the middle of summer, that water's not exactly. No. And it's not bath water. Go in there and get like the cold plunge shock going on.

What other than your own, what book have you recently read that really resonated

Michelle Moffitt: with you? I'm gonna share two. One is Elise Loehnan's on our Best Behavior and she talks about the seven deadly sins for women. It's fabulous. And then I just finished the tell. And it's a story around a woman having repressed memories come out through MDMA.

And fascinating on memory and her story of being honest with herself. So

Sarah Richardson (2): Excellent. And then what's a mantra or phrase that you live by?

Michelle Moffitt: For sure is uh, know. Better do better. I like that one.

Sarah Richardson (2): Again, Michelle, thank you for joining us on Flourish Today and the journey truly to how you.

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Sarah Richardson: Thanks for tuning into Flourish, where we unearth the hidden gems of career journeys, illuminating paths to success and fulfillment. If you found value in today's conversation, please share it with your peers and leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts.

We hope these stories catalyze inspiration within you, propelling you forward in your own career odyssey. Stay connected, stay curious, and keep flourishing.